Dumb Ways to Die...

Hang me again.

Really.
To save the dead farmer's family.
So what if the paintings fetch a crore or two?
Farmers have been dying for years.
In thousands.

Save park benches from chewing gum.
Save Calligraphy.
Save Cricket.
By printing out stumps.
And pasting them on top of the stumps,
drawn on the walls by the children of India for years.

Save the trees to save the endangered species.
But wait!
This appeal's got to be printed!
On paper!
Hmm.
So you can't really save the trees.
If you wish to save endangered species.
Not to worry...
There is no category called Logic-Lions.
Phew!

How about saving our energy?
And spending it on advertsing effectiveness.
No. Not the category!!!
I mean, real, old school effectiveness.
One that helps sell.
Helps make profit.
Improves the economy.
Helps us look good as professionals,
and not award hungry buffoons.

Ah, well...
Save your unpatriotic breath,
I hear you say.
Let's celebrate.
And move on.
Just like those farmer's families.

Hang me again,
and sing 'Dumb ways to die'.

Jai Hind.
- Anna

How To Save Your Marriage

Have you heard of a carpenter who could fix a broken marriage? (Now all you lads who just jumped up in Ogilvy's creative department yearning to crack the next big film on Fevicol, please sit down. This is not an invitation to impress the mustaches. It is a serious question.) Or for that matter have you heard of a carpenter who could fix his own broken marriage?

But carpenters don't discuss marital issues with clients. They stick to their work. They do not say, that by building this dinner table, you will bridge the generation gap between you and your kid by the next meal! Or by making this bed... well, you get the picture.

But this ad puts a different veneer on the state of affairs in todays speed-dating-marrying-divorcing world. In this unbelievable ad the woman changes her mind about the whole divorce thing because she looks at the new laminates in the guys house (do not miss her glance at the more-than-one-person-slept-in bed as she totters around the house). Take a look.

Now, I bet that this script was originally written for Nescafe and recycled for Marino. And the creative department brought it out of someone's unreleased portfolio just because the client had rejected all good scripts. Maybe in the original the guy changes his coffee brand and the marriage gets saved. No? Not a good script? Ok, how about the other woman comes out of shower and says "Ew, you are drinking coffee! I am so outta here" and walks off. No? Still not impressed? Well, neither am I with this ad.
 I am not going on a fast or anything. But today I will skip coffee over this.

Jai Daniel J. O'Conor, Jai Hind.
- Anna.

Sorry, We Can't Ford it...

"They sacked me!" he cried as he threw himself at my feet. I was giving my morning pravachan about how 'scams' bring down our credibility. There were some hot trainee creatives in my pandaal today and wanted a private consultation post the pravachan. Needless to say, I found this intrusion a bit irritating.
It took me a millisecond to recognize him - Pakya! The junior production in-charge of JWT, Mumbai! "What did you do Pakya? Did you offend any NCD or someone?" I knew him to be a loose cannon of sorts. I was sure he must have fudged some invoices or printed some fake petrol bills and charged it to a big ticket client or something.
"I didn't do anything!", he sobbed. "It was going so well. I had joined this great top rung agency and I was getting to work on Ford. Imagine working on an international account in your first job!"
Poor guy. I had to give him a dose of reality. "What international account? As a junior production guy, isn't your job carrying art-pulls or dvds around?" I asked softly.
"But I was assigned to the Ford team", he wiped his tears. "My girlfriend was so proud of me. She gave a 'Like' to my FB status about working on Ford. She also shared it on her timline..."
"So what went wrong?" I asked. "I don't know. I entered the office today and everyone was talking about someone apologising to somebody else. The shit hitting the ceiling fan or something. So I asked my boss what's up, and he said "Mader****" who uploaded the fuc**** ads?" "Language, Pakya!", I shouted.
I saw that the hot trainee creatives were a bit uncomfortable, and I did not want them to leave. "But that's what my boss said. I think he was referring to some chu*** scam ads the boys were making last evening" Pakya was helbent on screwing it up for the second time today. "Then boss asked me why my computer was not turned off last evening. I always work late, and I browse 'adsoftheworld' to pass my time as I wait for the layouts or artworks. I must have forgotten about it and left the computer on. So what's the big deal?" "But my boss dragged me to the conference room where all the big guys were, and said, this is the assh****"
The hot trainees got up to leave. I asked them to sit down. They needed this expletives-training if they had to survive in the agency world. "And then what happened?" Pakya went on, "Nothing. The HR head came to me and said, 'We had such plans for you, but this is as far as we can go', and handed me my sacking letter." He started sobbing again.
So Pakya was the first and the last victim of the Ford-gate. Totally oblivious to the whole controversy. I am sure he did not know who Silvio Berlusconi was, let alone the social media backlash that the campaign had generated. To me, he was like the gagged and tied women thrown back in the spacious boot of the Figo.
I am deeply disturbed by what was done to him. An account got saved. A scam went unpunished. But Pakya's possible bright career got ruined in the name of 'strict action taken'.

I am on a month long fast against this atrocity. And the fact that the ads themselves were not worth even a single word in social media.

Jai Henry Ford, Jai Hind.
- Anna.

Ek, Bey, Tran, Chaar

Time and again I have heard these starting bars on the radio. They act as a cue for me to reach for the volume button on my car stereo. But today, it was not to be so. My wife was driving the car. I was in the backseat. No, don't get me wrong. I respect my wife and do not treat her like a driver, but what to do? She says I distract her. In my younger days, I would have taken that as an invitation, and would have asked her to join me on the backseat. But now, I know I am a distraction in the worst possible way. Plus I had, in my hands, a tin full of Dhokla. So she ordered me to sit in the back and not to touch upholstry with my greasy hands. I was celebrating not having been on a fast for some time with a gujju nibble (don't read too much into this).
So, you see, it was difficult to reach for the volume control. And I had to hear it. He Ram! This time it was a RAP! Earlier AB used to just say the lines written by some poor copywriter for a press ad, trying hard to make Gujarat seem like English countryside. (Radio VO and press copy are two different things, as was taught to us in the old school of advertising, but what do I know?) I just used to give out a sigh, as senior AB told listeners how they can be 'one with themselves in Kutch on top a camel' or some such philosophical nonsense.
But in RAP? Please! And one which has an opening line - "Hey you"! I could almost hear the Notorious B.I.G. going "Mothaf..." as he turned in his grave. Don't you think this gives the English coutryside a slight Hell's Kitchen twist?
My stomach sure did a twist and I threw the tin of dhokla towards the car stereo! The dhoklas flew in all directions! My wife gave out a scream and took one roller-coaster turn as we hit an innocent Gujarati bystander. I did not have to tell her to flee the scene as she pressed the accelerator hard as if it was the brake!
I demand a fresh radio spot be written and given to AB immediately. Until that happens, I am not touching another piece of Khaman.

Jai Somnath, Jai Hind.
- Anna.

Wire, Wire, the Script's on Fire!

Its no surprise that people are losing their faith in politics and advertising. No matter which industry you belong to (yes, advertising is still considered an industry), your experiments with truth have run their course. Consumers have decided to suspend their suspension of disbelief. And at the heart of this change is the sinking levels of advertising creativity.
Agreed, your precious wires do not catch fire. But what about your pants? By what stretch of imagination (they stretch too, right? I mean wires, not pants.) are we supposed to believe, that the fire of corruption is connected to, and will be doused by a piece of wire??? Wire is fire-proof - call corruption fire - therefore wire is corruption-proof! Huh??? This is how you give advertising logic a bad name!
How about this logic: The father is the consumer, the bratty kid the advertiser. The father ends up strangling the kid with the same flag-pole wire! What? not convinced? Or is the agency/client totally 'fire'-proof?

First I was too disgusted to mount a hunger strike, and just wanted to watch some 'other' cartoon as the kid says (wink, wink, aren't we clever?) but there's the future of advertising to think about. If I don't protest against this ad, the future generation of writers would think this to be a benchmark! At least those who do not choose technical or content writing instead and make decent money!

I am extending my ongoing fast* by two more days.

Jai WPP, Jai Hind.
- Anna.

* The one against the Fevi Stick (Sachin) ad.

 

Aaila! Duplicate!

The moment I saw the visiting card, I knew that something was amiss. It wasn't surprising that Piyush had come to meet me at my humble abode. But it was damn suspicious to see the word O'gilvy written in all caps! I had done a crash course in typography just recently and I knew the difference between calligraphic signature and typographic word instantly!
I wanted to see this fake Piyush out of curiosity, so I asked my disciple to show him in. "Hahahahaha" he gave out a hearty signature laugh as we greeted each other, I could not help but see his pristine white teeth and knew that I do not need to take any dental marks and send them to the lab to verify his identity.
"It's the Fevi-Stick commercial that I wanted to see you about", he said. I narrowed my eyes. "You mean the one that had a fake Sachin with the fake acting in a fake shop?" I was no stranger to politicians lobbying to stop me from going on a fast. I had already seen this ad. "Yes, the same one" he said, "It's written by one of my boys and I was wondering if you found it alright."
"Alright?! You mean it is alright to use a fake to tell people to buy genuine Fevi-Stick? Sorry, that one did not stick. It is irritating as hell! Why does he keep dancing and overacting? Maybe you should have used original Sachin to end the commercial and make a point."
Fake Piyush gave out a sheepish smile, "You do have a point there, Anna. But it is December. We have spent everything on scams and fake releases! Nothing's left to get the real Sachin!"
"So what do you want me to do about your stupid ad?, I asked.
"Well, just don't go on a fast against this. We are planning to send this one for the awards, and any bad publicity might cost us the gold at Cannes". With this, slowly, he opened his briefcase. It was full of banknotes! He pushed it towards me!
The commercial did not stand a chance even at fake Cannes (Which is organized every year near Candivali). I was sure the banknotes were fake as well. But I was growing tired of this fake Piyush and wanted to end the meeting, just like viewers are getting tired of watching their god being ridiculed every five minutes on national television. See for yourself:

"Ok, I will go on a fake fast!", I said.
"Hahahaha, That works fine! Let's celebrate!", fake Piyush was happy. One of my disciples brought us some Earl Grey tea. He started ranting about his days as a tea-tester as he poured milk in his cup of Earl Grey.... Sigh!
Although this ad looks like written by a fake writer under the supervision of fake Piyush, in fake O'gilvy, I am going on a REAL, week-long fast to protest against this atrocity.

Jai Sachin, Jai Hind.
-Anna.

Direct to Hell!

I am posting this from the hospital. No, don't get me wrong, I am just a visitor here. I had to come down to meet this unfortunate couple who have miraculously survived the crash that they got themselves into. Not only are they victims of bad advertising, but of a bad shooting script. Back on their feet, I am sure they will want to shoot whoever wrote this commercial they were modeling for. See for yourself. There are a number of questions you might want to ask the writers:
1] What are these 5 models dressed in shorts doing on table land (or whatever this location is)?
2] Why are they asking if the couple (who might have a different agenda being all alone in their car) if they want to see a demo of a DTH service? Aren't they far away from their hotel, which would have been a better place to demo it? (Again, be mindful that the couple might have a different agenda over there as well).
3] Why fit a mirror blocking the driver's vision and send them down a death ride? (Sorry this should have been question number one).
4] How much did you pay the couple so that they agree to your stupid scheme?
5] How is a mirror a demo of HD? (Perhaps this should have been question number one).
6] The woman asks "Ek aur demo milega?" How early did you take this shot? I have just visited both in hospital. Her face was all hidden with bandages, and both of them had their fixed jaws open! I am sure she looked different after your first 'demo'. (Evil, evil is the editing machine).
7] Can the entire team that worked on this commercial (including the client) fit in that car? Will they scream the same way while rolling down a slope with a mirror blocking their view?
Try it. Please. I insist.

 
I am on a week-long fast against this commercial. I will open my mouth to eat something the moment the convalescing couple close theirs.
Jai Bud Ekins, Jai Hind.
- Anna.

Will the real Einstein please stand up?

As I was heading towards Maharaja restaurant (now quickly renamed 'Saheb' given its proximity to Matoshri) to end my fast against the Cleartrip Commercial, I saw this hoarding.
Let us for a moment forget who is the advertiser. or what is on sale here. What in the blazes name has happened to financial advertising? From the days of Pooja Bhatt donning a bikini and the regulatory 'bodies' going up in arms against misleading financial advertising, we have managed to come a long long way. (or was it Pooja Bedi, sorry I was not looking at the face. Blame it on my youth back then!)
Investors getting misled by advertising creativity was long banned by SEBI (this information is for the benefit of those new to advertising), But how about investors getting misled on roads and banging into the cars in the front because they tried reading the body copy on a hoarding?? Read the offer document carefully, they say, so you can't blame those who are screaming at each other over smashed bumpers.

Regulators, wake up! This is a HOARDING. Its a reminder medium, or have you not learnt advertising? Oh you didn't. Sorry, my bad... Sigh! Whatever happened to those neat asterisks which made you aware about the risks factors...
 Needless to say, I turned around. I had to get back on the 'fast' track again. The taste of that butter chicken is still haunting me. And this makes me really really mad.
I am taking this opportunity to introduce an EXCITING CONTEST! The first one to tell me what is the seventh word in the third line of the bottom middle paragraph on this hoarding will win a butter chicken dinner for two at Saheb Restaurant!*

Jai Pressman. Jai Hind.
-Anna

*Stop fantasizing, I am going to be your dinner companion...

Can we please be clear?

First, I thought my old age was showing its dark side, but then I looked up this ad on the internet. There are over 57,000 YouTube views for this ad but not a single comment! Like me, it really has left everyone speechless!

This is what the sole comment (obviously by the creators) says: Our 10-second video stamps were designed to reaffirm Cleartrip's commitment to clear the way for you to travel. They're quick, they're clear and they look rather good. As some would say, a bit like how your travel booking experience should be.

My oh, my! Are they happy with themselves or what! Let the viewers be dumbfounded. So stop staring at the screen, shut that open mouth and immediately log on and start booking! No? well, seems you should see the rest of the ads. One says LOUD & CLEAR. Then perhaps you will log on. Saw them? No? Not convinced yet to book that flight/hotel/train you always wanted to??? Oh, you must be joking!!

And now there will be a different category at the award shows called Video Stamps! So if you say, "I don't understand this ad" you need not look stupid. It's not an ad anyways! Rather a page out of a typography book overzealously edited.

Ok, enough with the criticism. Let me be absolutely clear: I am going on a fast to protest against this ad because Cleartrip is such a great web service. So simple, so efficient, that it is at sharp contrast with this advertising binge. No doubt the creators and brand managers are toasting its grand success in a conference room far far away from the consumers. Let them. But if any jury member anywhere gives an award to this campaign, I will make sure that he/she stays on complete fast throughout the duration of the judging process!

Jai Sir Timothy Berners-Lee, Jai Hind!

- Anna.

I Hate Tears

It is one thing to be forgotten. It is quite another to be remembered as a hero getting old and frail. I'd rather the former happens to the icons of an era than the latter. I love Kaka. And I absolutely hate puns that do not go along with the character of a hero (he was not a comedian, guys). Shove all those fans up certain place of whoever wrote this ad along with the client who approved it. Sigh! There is no respect for seniors nowadays. He does not have fortunes of the Bachchan. But he was what he was, and I am going on a fast against this insensitive ad. I will continue this fast until I have seen all movies starring Rajesh Khanna.

Jai Jatin. Jai Hind.
- Anna.

Oh, Come On! Not Again!

Abbreviation used: WIBSNSCTTA (Woman in Blue Saree Not Showing Cleavage This Time Around)
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Dear Followers,
there is a limit to me supporting non-violence. And that limit has been crossed.
The pain has been caused by the makers of a pain relief balm, Amrutanjan.
And that's not the last of the cruel jokes.
I wrote about their a-la-savita-bhabhi ad a few months back, but evidently the post has not been read in the exalted echelons of the advertising agency responsible. Perhaps they were busy taking cleavage screen tests for the next ad. And here is the result of it:

I can see a lot of changes from the last time, but it is extremely difficult to decide which commercial is worse.
1] The WIBSNSCTTA's saree colour has changed.
2] The WIBSNSCTTA belongs to an older age bracket.
3] This time both the WIBSNSCTTA and the guy in pain are not taking public transport.
4] The wife has a small role to play this time! She applies the product on her husband. So what if he still asks WIBSNSCTTA out to dinner as a result?
6] Much like last time, there are a lot of questions about the plot, such as, why does WIBSNSCTTA drop the guy home instead of apply the cream herself, but let them be.
7] In all this the much anticipated 'pronounced cleavage' is missing, but viewers still can't see the packshot because they are doubling up in pain by then.

Which is a better commercial of the two? This is like asking would you like to get hit on the head with a large stone painted blue or painted red? The correct answer would be - "Just don't!" But since when television viewers had such luxuries?

I am on a month long fast, and this time, I am going to pull in BABA, too, who sent me the link to this commercial in the first place!

Jai Second Coming! Jai Hind!
- Anna.

May your plate be full of carrots!

  It is good to be back! Back from the hospital. Back from all those sessions with psychiatrists. Back from the gluttonous binge...
   It all started when I had a fight with my cable operator and he cut my connection. I did not see any ads for a long time, and something in my head just snapped! I started overeating! All I thought about was food, food and freaking food! As if everything was well in the advertising world!
   After about a month of struggle to keep me away from the hospital canteen, the doctors gave up. So did the chef. But the world is full of miracles, and one came in the form of, you guessed it right, a commercial! One fine evening lying on my hospital bed I saw this commercial, and it worked liked magic! (by that time I had gained the strength to look up from my dinner plate to the TV set). I found a reason to survive! I threw away my dinner plate and announce at once that I was back on a fast!!!

   I really thought it was an Axe commercial. I really really wished it to be. And what was that suggestive reference to carrots? Hmm. I decided to wait and watch. So the guy is made to sit in a bathtub! Not a large pot like the jungle tribes have in movies. perhaps these women have not seen those movies. How can they? They are in a jungle, silly!! They only know how to drive an SUV like James Bond. So one of them rescues the guy from the clutches of evil man-eaters (now, don't start thinking).
   Wait! isn't she one of them?! What is it now, instant Stockholm Syndrome? But isn't that one where the captive falls for the captor, and not the other way round? Maybe she saw the potential in this guy, that if they get along, he could take her out to a five star hotel where they serve carrots!
   By far the only believable thing in this commercial is the character of the friend. He looks completely stupefied! Like he has just read the script and trying to find reason in it!
      Thanks to this display of creativity, I am back on my feet, and have decided to continue this fast until someone explains the marketing wisdom behind this commercial, or gifts me the XUV, along with the hungry chauffer.

Jai David Livingstone. Jai Hind.
- Anna.

Here Wego Again!

What's with all the two wheeler clients? A few weeks ago I went on a fast against one bike ad that confessed it to be a cleverly filmed deception! And now this! So you make a claim, then disprove it. And then consumers are supposed to miraculously start trusting the brand with their life (literally, as we all know the safety record of two wheelers). So we are to believe that Wego has won those awards? Or has it? Who are we to trust?

Many years ago, Jerry Della Femina tried playing with truth for Isuzu. He found a clever way of using the fact that car salesmen, in those days, were generally understood to be cheaters and liars. Supers in the Isuzu ads informed the viewers when Joe Isuzu, the spokesman, told a lie and when he did not. Thus the truth, or shall we say brand propositions, got drilled down into the viewer's subconscious and worked wonders for Isuzu. Here is one of the commercials that I could find on Youtube:

 

Compared to this, the Wego ad is just a hollow attempt at situational humor. When it first aired, I ignored it, but now it is too much in the face. I am feeling a bit weak after the 3 week fast against the Amrutanjan ad, but Anna's got to do what Anna's got to do! So I am going on another week-long fast against this mindless use of humor in advertising. (I am telling the truth).

Jai Jerry Della Femina, Jai Hind.
-Anna.

Let there be light (CFL, preferably)

Last week I had made up my mind to go on a month long fast against that ad with a WIRSSC. But this week I am revising my plan. Now I will fast for just 3 weeks. Why? Because I happened to see a commercial that shed some light on the situation of advertising creativity in this country. And it is encouraging. Here is the illuminating commercial...

I think it is a good sign that advertising itself is mocking advertising clichés. I just have one question, though. Why can't this commercial have the same production values (execution finesse) as the fairness cream ones? Or is it that CFL lights do not spend as much on advertising as fairness creams?? But let's be fair to those who have written the script (I understand that every good script has many fathers - real as well as hierarchy driven - hence the plural) and say, good job! You have saved a few antacids in my medicine box!

Jai Lee Clow. Jai Hind.
- Anna.

Some Tricky Questions

University of Advertising
Department of Behavioral Studies.
Paper: Cognitive Analysis

Instructions:
* Please attempt any 10 questions.
* If you are a female, don't bother answering anything. 
* You can only view the following commercial 100 times before answering.
* Abbreviations used: WIRSSC (Woman In a Red Saree Showing Cleavage)















---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q1] What is the product being advertised?

Q2] The WIRSSC throws some suggestive glances at the guy. What is she suggesting?

Q3] See the picture below. What is WIRSSC holding in her hand? (this is not a trick question. She is really holding something in her hand. You are advised to see the picture again)

Q4] Look at the eye-tracking map below. Guess the age of the subject studied here.
a) 10 b) 20 c) 25 d) 30 e) 40 f) 60 g) Does it really make a difference?

Q5] The guy tells his wife to sleep on the top berth.
Does he realize that WIRSSC's husband will also be doing the same?

Q6] When the WIRSSC says "Tumhe aaram mil gaya" There is a crawler product shot.
How many times did you notice it out of 100?

Q7] How believable does the dialogue "Tumhe aaram mil gaya, mujhe aur kya chahiye" sound?
Does it seem like it was something else and then changed to suite the TV channel's family programming where this ad is placed?

Q8] When the guy's boss says, "Uff yeh sirdard", the guy immediately thinks of WIRSSC.
If the boss had said something else, such as, "good morning" wouldn't the guy still start thinking of WIRSSC anyways?

Q9] Did you actually see the commercial post the office sequence?

Q10] Casting: Why wasn't the boss a woman?

Q11]  Justify in less than hundred words why the office sequence is included in this commercial?

Q12] Have you ever noticed any WIRSSC during your train journeys?
If yes, how many times did she cared whether you exist, let alone you having a headache?
If No, well, join the club.

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I am on a month long fast against this ad which was done for some product. Can't remember what that was.

Jai Sigmund Freud. Jai Hind.
- Anna.

In your dreams...

I remember, when I was young, a boy named Mukesh used to live next-door. He used to tell me how he dreams of becoming rich and one day having a whole building to himself in the heart of Mumbai. I dreamt of the same thing. I mean, I dreamt of having a whole building to myself, not Mukesh.

His dream was not his alone; it was mine as well. But he went on to help his father in business and I went to an advertising agency. Sigh! At least he must be doing well for himself.

The other day I spotted this hoarding by Union Bank and I was reminded of my friend Mukesh and his dream. 

But what I really don't understand is how the unfulfilled dream of Ajit Tendulkar is connected to Union Bank!

I mentioned this to one of my disciples and he said that I have got it all wrong and I need to improve my English. I told him that since I am a public figure, improving anything is detrimental to my image; therefore it is the bank that needs to improve their English.

I am skipping dinner over this. And no dinner for my disciple either. About time he improves his behavior.

Jai Frank Jefkins, Jai Hind.

 - Anna.

Kavita Matlab Coca Cola

As per my general knowledge, Diwali is festival of lights. It is not about saying thanks. Yet the youngsters in this commercial seem to be lighting two lamps for everything that helped them along the way. Why can't they give away coke bottles Instead? They give one precious bottle to a woman, that too in return of a few more lamps! The VO seems like taken from Prasoon Joshi's writing pad when he was not looking! And why two lamps? Oh, I get it! 'Ek diya' would have sounded a bit odd...

I am not going on any fast. It's Diwali, for crying out loud! I will just say, 'Doh aur laddu, iss ad ke naam.'

Jai Thomas Edison. Jai Hind.

- Anna.

Looks Fast (One)

There are some commercials that leave you amazed. At the technological wizardry. At the production quality. You ask how did they do that? How must have they shot it? And then there are some commercials that leave you with questions. Questions like what are they trying to say? What are the consumers supposed to think of the brand? Is there anyone checking the logic behind these 'kickass' ideas?

The new Pulsar commercial is both. More the latter than the former. Because it actually shows how the stop motion was created. And the consumer goes, "Ah! So all this is fake! Very clever! But what do you mean? Does Pulsar need all this around for it to look fast while standing still? Is your ad a lie? A deception? Or do the other bikes deceive? And why am I spending so much time analyzing a television commercial? Experts say that as an average consumer, I don't deeply study ads. I just make up my mind about the brand and move on! Alrighty, then. Pulsar = Fake."

Now hold on, before you start doubting this simplistic analysis, take a look at this commercial. This one is also trying to say that the vehicle appears to be fast even if it is standing still. Now tell me what must have gone through the consumer's mind after watching this.

I am going on a day long fast against the Pulsar ad. I was going to say three days, but since the production values are not so bad, my team has requested me to take it a little easy.

Jai David Ogilvy. Jai Hind.

- Anna.

Who's child is it anyway?

Why does it have to happen? You buy a great commercial from a small but effective agency. You also buy in to the concept, and then completely screw it up by asking your totally-depending-upon-your-revenue-hence-incapable-of-saying-no kind of big agency to create another commercial based on the same concept?

After buying "Har ek friend zaroori hota hai" from Taproot, They have made JWT create this banal version of it for Airtel Digital TV. Where is the fun which they had with Kanjoos Friend and other extensions? Now here the agencies were different, and reputed creative forces in their own right, but the client was the same, so I am going to blame the client.

Of course, JWT would be most unwilling to add to the glory of the campaign which is not theirs anyway! Bharti Airtel should have given even the Digital TV account to taproot! Or ask JWT to create a fresh new campaign for the digital TV business. This multi-agency practice has only one victim - creativity.

Who owns a creative property? The agency who creates it? The agency who has to follow it? Or the client who is paying for it? Who's baby is it? I know this is a difficult question to answer.

Here I was, thinking "what a nice commercial, it will surely continue to be entertaining in every avatar" but I was sadly mistaken.

Sorry for a harsher than normal tone of voice, but it hurts more when you see a good ad getting a beating. I am going to fast for three days and would go for Tata Sky who have a much more entertaining commercial based on the same proposition.

Jai Jay Chiat. Jai Hind.

- Anna.

PS: Here are the two ads I was referring to for the uninitiated...

Are you, er, protected?

I was dreaming for sure. It was an Arabian dream. Like a Sindbad story. At least the background music sounded like that. First it was a painting, then it turned into a lake in Kashmir where an immaculately designed Chinese monster and her immaculately designed baby were terrorizing the wits out of two innocent oarsmen on an immaculately designed ship. (this is what happens when a design agency makes a commercial)

First the monster picks one of them up and feeds him to the baby. The baby monster chokes! (like you choke on fine Kashmiri silk). Worried, the monster looks around to find a Bisleri bottle in the other man's hand, she snatches it and helps the baby gulp down the man! The baby is saved, and instead of eating the other man, blows kisses at him!

Now I am choking on a lot of questions.

1] If you choke on food, get saved, you still would like to eat the rest of it, wouldn't you? Or would you kiss the remaining food?

2] The monster lives in water, but looks around for water! (Always mineral water for the baby, remember?)

3] Monsters, according to popular belief, are much larger than the men or the boat, but a mere liter of Bisleri (should measure a teardrop in proportion) is enough to save the choking baby!

4] Ah, lets give it a rest, shall we? after all, it was a dream.

The only thing real was the brand, but once the communication enters the unreal space, it shuts out all critics.

This splash of creativity hit me in the face and woke me up from my dogmatic slumber! Maybe this is what quenches the thirst of the new generation, makes them laugh, makes them like the cute monsters (or write a post or tweet about how chweet all this is and say things like, 'dude, this is the shite'), and by some well researched form of subliminal persuasion makes them also think positively about the brand and eventually ask for a Bisleri (they do that already, don't they? And peacefully walk away when they are handed an Aquafina instead!)

"But look at the styling, the character design", a friend from another design agency told me. "We are defining the 'brand space' nowadays, and man, its going to look so stunning!"

But the consumers are oblivious to this. They don't know how to stay protected from all this blitzkrieg. Maybe the creative strategy is to stun the viewers, just like those two poor men, so that they don't reach for the remote.

Sigh. I miss the good old days... I am on a week long fast against this, and this time I am not even going to drink water - mineral or otherwise.

Jai Walt Disney. Jai Hind.
- Anna