Ek, Bey, Tran, Chaar

Time and again I have heard these starting bars on the radio. They act as a cue for me to reach for the volume button on my car stereo. But today, it was not to be so. My wife was driving the car. I was in the backseat. No, don't get me wrong. I respect my wife and do not treat her like a driver, but what to do? She says I distract her. In my younger days, I would have taken that as an invitation, and would have asked her to join me on the backseat. But now, I know I am a distraction in the worst possible way. Plus I had, in my hands, a tin full of Dhokla. So she ordered me to sit in the back and not to touch upholstry with my greasy hands. I was celebrating not having been on a fast for some time with a gujju nibble (don't read too much into this).
So, you see, it was difficult to reach for the volume control. And I had to hear it. He Ram! This time it was a RAP! Earlier AB used to just say the lines written by some poor copywriter for a press ad, trying hard to make Gujarat seem like English countryside. (Radio VO and press copy are two different things, as was taught to us in the old school of advertising, but what do I know?) I just used to give out a sigh, as senior AB told listeners how they can be 'one with themselves in Kutch on top a camel' or some such philosophical nonsense.
But in RAP? Please! And one which has an opening line - "Hey you"! I could almost hear the Notorious B.I.G. going "Mothaf..." as he turned in his grave. Don't you think this gives the English coutryside a slight Hell's Kitchen twist?
My stomach sure did a twist and I threw the tin of dhokla towards the car stereo! The dhoklas flew in all directions! My wife gave out a scream and took one roller-coaster turn as we hit an innocent Gujarati bystander. I did not have to tell her to flee the scene as she pressed the accelerator hard as if it was the brake!
I demand a fresh radio spot be written and given to AB immediately. Until that happens, I am not touching another piece of Khaman.

Jai Somnath, Jai Hind.
- Anna.