An idea before its time.

I was thinking the other day.

About the future.

I had a dream.

Where all men were equal.

So were the women.

In fact, they were more so.

The world was a better place to live.

We used bio-fuels.

I was signing copies of my book.

At a bookstore.

Nobody did any scams.

But they still made bad advertising.

Like I said,

I was signing copies of my book. 

I could see the cover of it.

Here is an artist's impression.

Will you want to read it one day?

Sigh!

Where will I be without bad ads?

It's just a necessary evil.

Jai Publisher, Jai Hind.

- Anna

Embarrassing realizations.

 
Did you know that people prefer to make love in the dark? (See the clever omission of the word 'sex'? Oops, I said it!, well, so sue me!) That's because it will kill the whole mood if both simultaneously realise that they could have made a better choice! Did you know that power outage ('load shedding' as it is popularly known) is rampant in this country? Did you know how many advertising people it takes to put two and two together? Did you know how many it takes to change a light bulb in the dark?

I find some flaws in this commercial. First, if population growth depended upon power outages, our villages would have been as densely populated as the cities. And cities would feel like a second class train compartment at rush hour!

I personally don't agree with the fact that darkness alone works. Whenever we had power outages, I never managed to catch my wife! Turned out she was more agile than me, and had a strong will (won't is a better word)...

Sorry. I'm letting personal feelings come in the way of professional analysis. Moving on...

Second, this is a commercial you can't watch with your kids around. A friend told me that he became really uneasy when the shot of the rocking bed appeared and his son gave out a hearty laugh. My friend turned pink with embarrassment. He felt a bit relieved when they showed the couple playing with their phones on that bed and spoke out loud to ease the tension, "Ah! they were just playing games." At this, his son turned around and said with a smirk, "Playing games, they were." and laughed again!

As I said, you can't watch this one with your kids around. You never know how much they already know! It gets really embarrassing for our generation and that's why I am going on an indefinite fast against this ad. I have convinced my wife to join me this time. If not anything, at least it will slow her down!

Jai Vatsayana, Jai Hind.
- Anna.

Why do we do ads like these? Hint: Don't ask twice.

Recipe: Take a semi-successful ad. Let it go out of people's long term memory. Take a new product. Make a spoof ad for this product based on the ad that everybody has forgotten. Hope that people will make the connection. Serve with a smile. (after all, aren't the consumers keenly interested in the history of advertising?).

Why (and I am going to ask this only once) do we resort to such ads? Is it because Pepsi takes on Coke and Apple takes on Microsoft? With all due respect for the brand managers involved, the two products in question have precious little in common with these giants.

Wait! I do have a plausible explanation for this! The Hajmola Mint (mentioned as 'Spoofer' hereafter) ad was conceived way way back when the Chloremint (mentioned as 'Spoofee' hereafter) ad was running, and perhaps was intended for quite a different product competing with the Spoofee at the time. Senses prevailed and the script was shelved. Years passed. The agency took it out of the cold storage (many agencies have a large one) and presented it to the Spoofer client after the Spoofer client rejected all good ideas and chided the agency for its lack of mustaches and tea testing abilities.

"But the Spoofee is no longer running their ad", said the Spoofer client! The agency said "Much better! now the Spoofee won't take us to court for using the same Paanwalla!"

Anyways. Even if all this was true, the question remains (that I have already asked above). Therefore I have decided to fast for 3 days against this ad. (don't ask why 3 days again, dam phool).

Jai Anthony Simonds-Gooding, Jai Hind.

- Anna.

PS: Please find attached (reluctantly) herewith both Spoofer and Spoofee ads for your perusal.

Sabka number ayega

Must say, the client has shown some balls buying this. The low key, uninterested voice-over, the choice of nerdy model smells of 'award entry'. The radio spots are better, perhaps because they can't show much and are a little intelligent. The agency must be busy taking a 360 degree view of this. All they need to do is to look at Yellow Pages campaign done by Enterprise a few decades ago (or any international Yellow Pages work). Its the same campaign anyway!
Sure this idea has got legs, but I wonder how would they tell people to call Ask Me for memory sticks, paperweights, ball bearings, bottle openers, batteries, ball point pens, pencils, erasers, safety razors, pocket torches, scissors, key-chains, toothbrushes, plastic gloves, test tubes, tea bags, stirrers, safety pins, shirt buttons, aspirin... Well, you get the picture...
I am fasting against this ad because if you watch it more than once, you don't feel like eating anyways.

Jai Claude Hopkins, Jai Hind.
- Anna.

Pretty maids all in a row...

My maid thinks she is Madhuri Dixit (I wish she looked like her, too). She's got a flip-open cell phone (it's an android). She keeps talking on the phone about her job and about things she has to put up with. She complains that we eat too much oily food and leave subzi stains on plates (so what are we supposed to do? squeaky-clean the plates with our tongues?). She showed disgust when we told her that we do not use some hitherto-unheard-of cleaning liquid (their union must be endorsing it). She generally behaves as if she doesn't need to work, her husband's got a high paying job in medical profession and they live in the US where they  plan to buy a shopping mall or something!
In all, she makes it evident that she is doing us a favor by showing up in the first place! But then, most of the maids in Mumbai are like that.
Coincidentally, she was watching TV (as usual before starting her work) when this particular ad came up -

She didn't like this ad at all! Perhaps she thought it was all too realistic to be of any interest. But I could identify with the expressions of those housewives.
I have decided to fast for a day. Not against this ad, (although there are enough reasons to do so) I'm doing it this time just to keep the plates clean.
Jai Winston Fletcher, Jai Hind.
- Anna.

How can anyone eat anything after this?

I pinched myself hard when I saw this for the first time. Hoping I will wake up. Often when I fast against something or the other, I get such nightmares - food everywhere, women singing about eating, a pot-bellied chef who looks like bad news. But I panicked when I did not wake up and had to go through the rest of the ad. I do not understand much of what is being said, neither am I fully aware about this actor's fame, but all this just seems excruciatingly horrible. (If there is a temple dedicated to him somewhere in southern India, I will face a lot of opposition from that quarter after this post).
I can't tell you what I think is wrong with this ad. I just saw it 3 times and I can't even think!
Therefore I am going on a week-long fast against this mind-numbing experience. But I doubt if I ever will be able to eat again. Did you see how he could not even get up from his chair to dance?

Jai David Ogilvy, Jai Hind.
- Anna.

Lambi fasting ka faarmulaa

Well, for starters, my dear friend Baba is not going to like this! Walking on fire is a feat reserved only for those who seek spiritual attainment, but in this ad, it becomes accessible to everyone who puts on a dash of Jinjola! Sacrilege!
And don't miss the clever competition-bashing by repeating repeating words words like like cool cool. But just because you shoot in Rajasthan and use strange looking cast, you don't sit alongside those Ogilvy-Piyush-Prasoon-Chetan kind of ads of yore.
I strongly recommend you show this ad on Radio from now on.  Because there's only so much visual Jinjola one can put up with. I was going to sit for an indefinite fast against this ad, but will protest with just a day-long one. Because, thankfully, the monsoon is here and will soon drown all prickly-heat-talc ads.

Jai Charles Saatchi, Jai Hind.
- Anna

PS: As recommended by a disciple of mine, I will be fasting Maharashtrian style: eating 'only' the following food items: Bananas, Sabudana Khichadi, Sabudana Vada, White Potato Subzi, Variche Taandul (a small grain rice), Daanyachi Amti (a curry made with groundnuts) and all this just three times a day. This should really shake up the competition...