Government atrocities: the 'A' kind

 There are times when I am speechless. People think I am following 'Maun-Vrat' or something. But I am too disturbed to say anything about certain ads. The case in point is this ad for Central Board of Excise and Customs . (a tiny preview appears at the center of this page, and you can't download it, so dear followers, I apologize for this technical difficulty)

Oh, don't click. I apologized already.
Click The URL on top instead.

I like Hariharan. I really do. But why should he appear in an ad that looks like produced and directed by a bureaucrat? He appears to be bored to death. He also plays tabla on the piano! (must be his way of protesting against the script). My fellow Indians, the time has come to speak out against the torturous government departmental advertisements. These are so horrible, that nobody uploads them on YouTube, nobody speaks about them (perhaps because nobody understands them), and sadly, nobody notices them!

They are badly shot, badly produced (there are about 28 producers empaneled by the Directorate of Public Relations & Publicity. I don't think they would be getting any real advertising film work. With a portfolio filled with messages released in public interest, (or shall I say disinterest) how can they?

The reality is that the messages of public interest or public service ads need to rise above the noise levels of marketing communication to have any effect. But I don't think DPPR ever consults the real magicians of the advertising world. With the less-than-one-percent money (as I suspect) finally reaching the producers, who would want to touch it? Hey, I have an idea! DPPR should convince Cannes to create a separate category for these ads! Then see how hotshot creatives will line up with ideas!

In all fairness, perhaps Hariharanji did this ad for a good cause free of cost! ("Well, more for us, then!", whispers the democratically elected client).

Jai Powers That Be. Jai Hind.

- Anna

Har Ek Friend Zaroori Hota Hai

A war is brewing in the nation. Looks like my namesake in the social arena will finally get his way. Kabhi kabhi achhe kaam karna bhi zaroori hota hai. Jaise har ek friend zaroori hota hai. So I hereby declare that Anna of Advertising is lending his moral support to Anna of the Nation.

I find Airtel's new commercial appropriate to this occasion. Sometimes you just have to agree that even the biggest of the brands, albeit intermittently, gets it right. And I have to say, this one gets a place in my book of good ads (which is an extremely thin book). Good casting, good lyrics, good execution, and a good tune that will make up for all those banal commercials they dished out post Express Yourself and Border commercials (which were not too bad, but who remembers these prehistoric ads?).

Therefore today I sit for a fast. Because of this ad, but not against it.This ad suggested to me that that is what I should do in support of our friend.

Jai Real Anna, Jai Hind.
- Anna

Look ma, hands!

A while ago I wrote about the Surf Bar ad which raised the bar for unbelievable advertising. This time (I know, this is a re-run. But what to do? I was busy fasting against some other ad back when this went on air for the first time) the unbelievability has been raised to another level altogether!

I am sure some SEC A+ housewives in metros and mini-metros may find it cute that the kid in this commercial wrecks a perfectly good sheet of foam mattress, uses expensive colours to mark his anatomy onto it, uses a hacksaw blade to cut two hands out of the sheet (doesn't cut his own in the process) and props them onto the washing machine. Very very cute indeed.

I dare say it is a tad bit unbelievable that the mother walks in and lovingly informs the kid that thanks to Surf Excel Matic, she does not have to use her hands anymore to remove stains after machine washing the clothes. I was expecting one tight slap for the kid for messing about!

But hey, slap yourself! This is HUL (Unilever). They must have done their research that provides clues to the real reality as opposed to a fake reality that we all think is real, which, in reality, is not (complicated sentence? not to HUL execs). And I have heard that the agency brought in some foreign creative guy to conceive the script. Unbelievable!

Needless to say a fast is in order. But Unilever pockets are deep, so no matter how many deaths I die because of fasting, they will keep showing this commercial. I think it will be prudent to fast for a week to protest against the slap that never came down upon the bratty kid.

Jai Lord Leverhulme, Jai Hind.
- Anna.

PS: Do the right thing for society. Report a bad ad today.

An idea before its time.

I was thinking the other day.

About the future.

I had a dream.

Where all men were equal.

So were the women.

In fact, they were more so.

The world was a better place to live.

We used bio-fuels.

I was signing copies of my book.

At a bookstore.

Nobody did any scams.

But they still made bad advertising.

Like I said,

I was signing copies of my book. 

I could see the cover of it.

Here is an artist's impression.

Will you want to read it one day?

Sigh!

Where will I be without bad ads?

It's just a necessary evil.

Jai Publisher, Jai Hind.

- Anna

Embarrassing realizations.

 
Did you know that people prefer to make love in the dark? (See the clever omission of the word 'sex'? Oops, I said it!, well, so sue me!) That's because it will kill the whole mood if both simultaneously realise that they could have made a better choice! Did you know that power outage ('load shedding' as it is popularly known) is rampant in this country? Did you know how many advertising people it takes to put two and two together? Did you know how many it takes to change a light bulb in the dark?

I find some flaws in this commercial. First, if population growth depended upon power outages, our villages would have been as densely populated as the cities. And cities would feel like a second class train compartment at rush hour!

I personally don't agree with the fact that darkness alone works. Whenever we had power outages, I never managed to catch my wife! Turned out she was more agile than me, and had a strong will (won't is a better word)...

Sorry. I'm letting personal feelings come in the way of professional analysis. Moving on...

Second, this is a commercial you can't watch with your kids around. A friend told me that he became really uneasy when the shot of the rocking bed appeared and his son gave out a hearty laugh. My friend turned pink with embarrassment. He felt a bit relieved when they showed the couple playing with their phones on that bed and spoke out loud to ease the tension, "Ah! they were just playing games." At this, his son turned around and said with a smirk, "Playing games, they were." and laughed again!

As I said, you can't watch this one with your kids around. You never know how much they already know! It gets really embarrassing for our generation and that's why I am going on an indefinite fast against this ad. I have convinced my wife to join me this time. If not anything, at least it will slow her down!

Jai Vatsayana, Jai Hind.
- Anna.

Why do we do ads like these? Hint: Don't ask twice.

Recipe: Take a semi-successful ad. Let it go out of people's long term memory. Take a new product. Make a spoof ad for this product based on the ad that everybody has forgotten. Hope that people will make the connection. Serve with a smile. (after all, aren't the consumers keenly interested in the history of advertising?).

Why (and I am going to ask this only once) do we resort to such ads? Is it because Pepsi takes on Coke and Apple takes on Microsoft? With all due respect for the brand managers involved, the two products in question have precious little in common with these giants.

Wait! I do have a plausible explanation for this! The Hajmola Mint (mentioned as 'Spoofer' hereafter) ad was conceived way way back when the Chloremint (mentioned as 'Spoofee' hereafter) ad was running, and perhaps was intended for quite a different product competing with the Spoofee at the time. Senses prevailed and the script was shelved. Years passed. The agency took it out of the cold storage (many agencies have a large one) and presented it to the Spoofer client after the Spoofer client rejected all good ideas and chided the agency for its lack of mustaches and tea testing abilities.

"But the Spoofee is no longer running their ad", said the Spoofer client! The agency said "Much better! now the Spoofee won't take us to court for using the same Paanwalla!"

Anyways. Even if all this was true, the question remains (that I have already asked above). Therefore I have decided to fast for 3 days against this ad. (don't ask why 3 days again, dam phool).

Jai Anthony Simonds-Gooding, Jai Hind.

- Anna.

PS: Please find attached (reluctantly) herewith both Spoofer and Spoofee ads for your perusal.

Sabka number ayega

Must say, the client has shown some balls buying this. The low key, uninterested voice-over, the choice of nerdy model smells of 'award entry'. The radio spots are better, perhaps because they can't show much and are a little intelligent. The agency must be busy taking a 360 degree view of this. All they need to do is to look at Yellow Pages campaign done by Enterprise a few decades ago (or any international Yellow Pages work). Its the same campaign anyway!
Sure this idea has got legs, but I wonder how would they tell people to call Ask Me for memory sticks, paperweights, ball bearings, bottle openers, batteries, ball point pens, pencils, erasers, safety razors, pocket torches, scissors, key-chains, toothbrushes, plastic gloves, test tubes, tea bags, stirrers, safety pins, shirt buttons, aspirin... Well, you get the picture...
I am fasting against this ad because if you watch it more than once, you don't feel like eating anyways.

Jai Claude Hopkins, Jai Hind.
- Anna.